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quitting smoking, getting better about putting the seat down, not leaving wet laundry in the wash machine (gets me every time). However, if the person you're dating seems to have a noticeably strained relationship with their mother, father, and siblings, something might be up. These small things that are easy to brush-off could all lead to much bigger reflections of who they are as a person. If you begin to notice the person you're dating is constantly taking a rain check or changing long-standing plans at the last minute, be weary. That is, they have to constantly be doing something.
But when it comes to someone's soul, who they really are, changing is a long shot. How someone was raised and how they view family is engrained into the human they become, and being with someone who is not close to or even at odds with their family might be cause for concern. Of course, his hands could've been too full to get the door that one time, and she may have genuinely forgot to ask to have a bite of your food, but just be alert of the small slip-ups to try and catch patterns. An unreliable person is a surefire one-way ticket to an endless stream of frustration and aggravation you don't need. Not once have they suggested staying in with you on a Friday night, ordering in dinner, and watching a good movie. If someone you're dating does or says something that doesn't sit right with you for whatever reason, even if you can't clearly articulate that reason, always go with your gut.
They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements.
“Men mess up and then we feel badly about it.” One of my best friends in graduate school used to say this.
Our relationship was not perfect, but convinced it was worth continuing.
They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing.Let's be real with each other for a second: You're not on dating websites because you've seen success with love, right? Whoever you're with should not actively strive to outshine you or one up you.You're not still playing the field because you have great luck when it comes to finding good men and women to date, right? But that's because there's ideally only one person it should work out with! Being manipulative, and finding ways to end up making you apologize for something you don't need to be apologizing for are big red flags. They should be rooting for you and building up your strengths as often as possible. Some people can't help that they're always running late.For professional research, check out Cleckley’s criteria or Hare’s psychopathy checklist. The red flags in this book are intended to supplement those resources. Well, for one, it’s specifically about relationships. Each point requires introspection and self-awareness. Because if you want to spot toxic people, you cannot focus entirely on their behavior—that’s only half the battle. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you.
You must also come to recognize the looming red flags in your own heart. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re in constant competition with others for their attention and praise.More importantly, compatibility-wise, I need to be with someone who uses words to communicate.