Proper etiquette for dating a widower

12-Sep-2016 16:35

However, today the grieving spouse may begin to date whenever he or she feels ready to do so.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for supporting the widow who started dating three months after her husband died.

He suddenly wanted to “just be friends” when he found out I had a child.

Then it was back to online with , which I found out after the fact is a well-known “hook up mostly” site.

DEAR ABBY: You once printed a letter from a man who was dying.

He wanted his surviving widow to pursue happiness after his death with some man who would be kind to her.

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Abby, is there a rule of thumb about how long the widow or widower should wait after the death of the spouse to begin pursuing another relationship? DEAR LONELY: There was a time when it was considered scandalous for a widow or widower to date before a year of mourning had passed.

He found the average length of time between marriages was about two and a half years.

Of course, this time span depends on the individual and how comfortable he is to look for love after the death of his wife.

He shouldn’t feel embarrassed or shameful to reminisce about the woman he was married to.

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Widowers can be more attractive than a man who is divorced.The question comes up a lot among widowed and those who are interested in dating them – how soon after the death of a spouse is it considered appropriate to begin dating/or pursuing? Other widowed people like to trot out the tired cliché – It’s such a circular and unhelpful answer that I’d like to ban the phrase from the grief lexicon because given the minefield of rules and expectations surrounding widowhood, asking is the only way to clarify whether the signals you are receiving from your peers, family and friends are about your welfare or their self-interest. Scarlett knew the rules on widowed decorum because society at that time spelled it out. It may have sucked, but everyone was clear on the time frame and waited (while perhaps discreetly lining up suitors for once the deadline had passed). Younger widowed date and remarry sooner, and at higher rates, than older ones.